On July 9th, 2007, I wrote the following:
Working for an Indian company will be a wonderful challenge. The amount of unknowns that remain, two weeks before I begin my first career, is staggering. Stubbornly desiring adventure is all I can do to keep from going crazy during preparation.
And now this "wonderful challenge" is halfway done. To be honest, the wonderful is often overshadowed by the challenge. The amount of unknowns not only remain, they have increased. And my stubborn desires for the motherland and its freedoms are all I can do to keep from going crazy during the adventure.
More than the bureaucracy, the chaos, or the lack of sanitation, I've been most frightened by my own humanity I've come to realize these last three months.
I still cannot believe the anger and desperation which brews inside of me whenever I'm given only the same rights and privileges offered to an Indian entry-level employee, even though it is usually the exception to the norm.
Then, of course, I have to deal with guilt on top of the obvious inconvenience of being a part of this country. Is it wrong to desire those freedoms and rights which I took for granted just three months ago?
But what of all the wonderful culture I should experience? I don't have an answer to that question. I can't claim that I've "seen it all" because of the limited duration. I can claim that I've seen enough to make an educated decision between two countries: Which one would I rather be a citizen of? Experiencing culture is for tourists: it's an objective look at only the best of a society. Three months has been more than enough time to be a tourist.
On the surface, I sound spoiled. At least, I know if I had read my current thoughts three months ago, I'd say I was spoiled. But I've seen some great hypocrisies in the Nate of three months ago: I found it much easier to speak nobly against inequality when I was enjoying its benefits. Here, thinking of myself becomes all-consuming.
And to mis-quote Gandhi, "We need to be the change we wish to see in the world." Well the changes I wish to see here now are already visible in the many forms of western media I now illegally download. If I could be more american, I would.
If moving to India was some virtuous sacrifice, I imagine I might feel different: I'm not here on a mission for charitable or spiritual ends. If I was, all discomfort would likely be less of a nuisance. Being stripped of my freedoms accomplishes nothing, however, but bolster the books of a $4 billion company built on the ability to pay people less for providing a similar effort.
Or, I'm just making excuses for my selfishness.
In an attempt to conclude, this wasn't a difficult post to write. It was a difficult post to publish. And I can't expect the guests of this pity-party to understand: you'd just have to be here... for three months.
Last May I pondered this dilemma:
I cannot answer why we were chosen for this prodigious existence, while the ordinary (half the world) lives on less than two frosty's a day.
But I've given up looking for that answer. For even if I could find it, I wouldn't trade my blue passport for the world.
EDIT (Oct. 24, 2007): Fixed spelling of "Gandhi"
6 comments:
Interesting Blog!
Btw, how exactly do you feel stripped of your freedoms and rights in India?
i'm mostly referring to restrictions on travel, alcohol, and a curfew set by my employer. the rest is just red tape and overwhelming crowds.
"freedoms and rights" was used more as a hyperbole reflecting my emotional position on living here.
Nate - I'm proud of the decision you made to take this job, and of you sticking it out for three months. You made a choice that I would have been too afraid to make. You didn't take the "safe" route. I believe you won't regret it in the end. But even if you do regret it, it was still a brave choice to make.
All work is a ministry, not just no-pay mission work. Otherwise, almost all of us would be wasting almost all of our time.
Hang in there - Love, Dad
Hmmm..
questions.
- First of all , it is not 'Ghandi'. Westerners always pronounce and spell the name wrong. It is 'Gandhi'.
- Aren't those restrictions part of the culture and part of learning and part of being 'brave' as you put it ? Are you regretting it now ?
- Why would you be an different than Indian entry level employee or be treated differently when you are in India ?
I will return back to check responses if any!
Dear Gana,
I apologize for the misspelling. It's been fixed.
I don't regret my decision, but I'm weary of the culture.
I think you missed the point about being treated the same as an Indian employee.
Regards,
Nate
Yes, the restrictions are part of the culture. However, it is more of the fact that these restrictions were first never brought to our attention when signing up for this job, and second are changed almost everyday. They have nothing to do with being ‘brave’, the bravery came with the choice of traveling to India rather than staying in America to work and be with friends and family.
Simply put…we are not being trained for the same job as an Indian entry level employee, and thus are not an Indian entry level employee. In fact, we are being treated differently here in India. And, this goes back to the restrictions, everything is constantly changed from day to day and it seems confusing to me that we are allowed some privileges and revoked others. It is hard to understand, at times, where this line has been drawn and why they chose that location.
Finally, this is no place for these types of questions to be raised. The months have been long here and most of us are tired. This blog entry was just to let off steam, and probably to let his friends and family know that it isn’t always fun and exciting over here. I see no reason to attack the writer, or his so-called “bravery”.
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